shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
