the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
