Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
