I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
