my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
