If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
