Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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