I CAN MOONWALK!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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