the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
