3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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