it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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