I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
