when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
