What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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