If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wish there were birth control emojis
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
