A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
