I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
