I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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