like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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