I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
