Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
