dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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