Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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