I think I won the penis lottery.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
