hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
