walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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