Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
