are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
