isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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