can we get nightvision for the apartment?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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