Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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