She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
