the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
