I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
