i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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