I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
