We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He did a backflip because drugs
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
