i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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