he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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