the new term for farting is butt boxing.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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