Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
