Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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