If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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