Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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