Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
