Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
