i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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