D3 body, D1 cock
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
