puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
