pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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