my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
