i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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