and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
