i just wanna soil my oats bro
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
