Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
